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  HAND-FASTING: A PRACTICAL GUIDE

  Hand-fasting: A Practical Guide

  By Mary Neasham

  GREEN MAGIC

  Hand-fasting: A Practical Guide # 2003 by Mary Neasham. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form without written permission of the author, except in the case of quotations in articles

  and reviews. This first edition published in 2003 by Green Magic

  Long Barn

  Sutton Mallet

  Somerset TA7 9AR

  England

  Typeset by Academic and Technical, Bristol Printed by Antony Rowe, Devizes Cover design by Chris Render

  Cover artwork# Alison Hall 2003 Technical assistance by Rose Gotto and Tania Lambert

  ISBN 0 9542963 1 1 GREEN MAGIC

  Contents

  Acknowledgements 7

  Introduction 9

  1 History 15

  2 Traditions 23

  3 Modern Hand-fasting 36

  4 Hand-fasting Accessories 75

  5 Hand-fasting, Hand-feasting 100

  6 Preparation 119

  Acknowledgements

  My biggest thanks must go to my daughter Gemma and her loved one Andy for their maturity and understanding throughout the time it has taken me to write this book, not least during the last few weeks as I have been recovering from an unfortunate riding accident, and they have looked after me brilliantly.

  With deep love and understanding I wish to thank my mother, for without her support (and she knows what I mean) I couldn’t possibly have written either of my books to date. Thanks mum!

  I also wish to thank Anna de Benzelle for being both my cowriter on Teenage Witch’s Book of Shadows and one of my original mentors, offering her invaluable common-sense advice to my constant requests for enlightenment on particular subjects despite her hectic schedule.

  Grateful thanks must be given to Harry Baldock for being my ‘other’ mentor over the past few years, for his never-ending support of my work, and friendship that I hugely appreciate—and for constantly coming to my rescue!

  Thank you to Dolores for your transatlantic perspective on all I do.

  I wish to thank Jenny for her friendship and positive encouragement and proving that old ways can meet new age and find common ground. Thanks also to David for always being there and offering your unique perspective and wisdom. To Liz, my oldest friend, for our continued journey together, not to mention that wonderful fortieth birthday present last year, I say thank you!

  Many thanks to Oakilia for the copy of her ceremony and continued support of Coppice Craft.

  I thank Kathy Jones for her input—I know we haven’t met as yet but I hope we do soon.

  And lastly to Chris and Pete for supporting my endeavours so enthusiastically!

  My lover in the corn field doth stand My husband guides the plough My children work from dawn to dusk Our strength it will withstand.

  My love is elusive as the moon

  My face doth reflect her light

  My marriage is the midday sun Our harvest will be soon.

  My husband knows my lover’s mind My heart belongs to both

  My children are my only hope

  Our fertility from the land.

  (Anon) Marriage as an institution is both fascinating and yet elusive in its true origins—it remains a mystery. For thousands of years men and women have been going through marriage ceremonies for a variety of reasons. It is easy in these liberal times to think of marriage as a romantic ideal rather than a necessity. All over the world people are getting married for reasons other than romance—some marry for love, some due to pregnancy, some for financial reasons (good and bad), some marriages are arranged and all are legally binding except pagan ceremonies.

  Whilst researching and subsequently writing on this subject, I had to consider the many varied people it could reach. For this reason I have tried to approach the subject in a manner that I hope will suit both the highly initiated and the average layman. My humble apologies in advance if you feel this is not achieved and my grateful thanks if you feel it is.

  As I finish this little book my best friend has rung me to invite me to her wedding in two weeks’ time. They are an established couple who have been together now for eight years. ‘This will be a low key affair’, she informed me. ‘No gifts and no hats, definitely no hats’, we laughed. Hers is not a traditional romantic wedding but a marriage of mutual financial convenience to both. Their love is not in question here nor is their suitability, for I cannot think of a more committed pair! These days, however, people may look a little stunned at how informally they are taking it, but judge not. Many an over-romanticised wedding can end in tears a few years down the line with couples growing apart rather than together.

  I set out to write a simple little book on hand-fastings and found myself entrenched in the history of marriage generally. The two are intrinsically linked throughout history, as I discovered, and in so doing I hope I have shed some light on our joint British and Celtic pasts.

  Personally I feel that today’s pagan ceremonies are perfectly entitled to take the best from the past and integrate it with the ideals for the future and, if anything, modern hand-fastings are possibly the most emotive and romantic weddings you are likely to attend. Due to my own limited experiential involvement in hand-fastings to date, I enlisted help from a wide variety of people during my research, ranging greatly in their chosen paths. The one thing all my interviewees had in common, regardless of tradition, was that they all agreed the couple should design their day themselves as much as possible.

  The role of today’s pagan priesthood in modern hand-fastings seems to be firstly that of spiritual guidance, secondly to be present to officiate or act as celebrant and, lastly, if needed, to raise loving spiritual energy and invoke deities if required rather than attempting to inflict any autocratic control over the couple. This is well demonstrated in the copies of service orders included in later chapters. These are services that were worked out in advance, with couples deciding on the actual wording, whilst priestesses and priests like myself guided them, if required, through any traditional practices applicable to the path they tread. This level of input and control is becoming very attractive to people from all walks of life as most modern services, whether church or civil ceremony, are far less flexible in their approach. The binding of the couple’s hands is optional in some traditions and not even mentioned in others, but many different paths have since adopted it from its original Celtic past.

  Modern ceremonies are a glorious conglomeration—partly following ancient customs but also adapting to new spiritual philosophies both universally and personally.

  As a race we are unique in the way we continually try to define our intimate relationships, finding new and beautiful ways with which to express and display our love. Hand-fasting ceremonies allow the couple to bare their souls in any way they so wish, encouraging us to use our imaginations to their fullest.

  The ceremony itself can often provoke strong emotions for all but the most sceptical and cynical. Sadly we, in the West, live in a world of superficial consumerism lead by market forces rather than any long term plan of global love, tolerance and ecological sustainability for our children to inherit. We will pay the price for this short-term fix, as will Mother Earth. Our only hope seems to be to allow the dance of the GOD and GODDESS to be recognised so that love and acceptance of all life take on deeper meanings for us. I personally feel that the achievement of global and intimate spiritual love should be the goal we all aim for in life.

  Hand-fastings are a step towards honest loving relationships where couples can put their spiritual selves on a higher plane, with their other needs simplifying as a result of this ritual. By living a more loving and
spiritual path couples will strengthen, within and without, coping with any tests the universe throws their way, and hopefully relegating consumerism to a much lower level of importance.

  There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ ways of hand-fasting, but love is expected to be deep, honest and true—as is a certain level of spiritual understanding and/or awareness. The popular slang of hand-fastings is an interesting derivative of hand-fastenings which most of the elder generation I have consulted over the writing of this book agree on, but no one seems to know how or why they became hand-fastings. I haven’t come across any specific pre-wedding fasting prior to the event, and fastening or binding does in fact make far more sense—but for the sake of these modern times and to save confusion I will refer to them as hand-fastings.

  Groom Under the moonlight I’ll embrace you With all my heart I’ll love you My body will know such ecstasy As it is to be with you.

  Bride Under the sun I’ll feel your strength With my spirit I’ll love you

  My soul will know such ecstasy As it is to be with you.

  (Example of vows from modern hand-fasting)

  1

  History

  Like many other ancient British customs and traditions, the origins of hand-fasting are hard to pin down with any degree of chronological accuracy. From the remaining evidence it seems possible that early Britons, prior to any invading forces, practised their own form of pagan worship and therefore rites of passage including marriages. Historians debate the validity of an actual Celtic migration from mainland Europe into Britain, but the geological evidence for our physical attachment as recently as 7000 before common era tends to give it credence.

  To discover whether hand-fastings or a version of them existed prior to recorded history we have to turn to archaeology.

  Mankind began to give up its nomadic lifestyle after the retreat of the last ice age, and it is then that we have the first signs of animals being domesticated and early agriculture emerging. This occurred at about 8000 BCE, reaching our shores around 5000 BCE. From the stone age and up until the end of the bronze age, communities were thought to be sexually equal—and if anything women were probably held in higher esteem due to their reproductive ability. Many feel that this was essentially a goddess-worshipping matriarchal society. Birth was a highly dangerous time for both mother and child, with mortality rates high for both. It is thought that couples would require permission from the gods before having children, and any decision taken by the local priest would be judged on the families’ and community’s ability to provide for an extra mouth.

  By expediting weaning with the introduction of milk gruel made from milk and ground grain, they could get babies off their mothers’ breasts quickly. Two advantages arose from this: children grew faster and would be able to work the land in some way or another by the age of three, and by ceasing breastfeeding earlier than normal the woman’s fertility would increase.

  They built houses for the first time and accumulated property including domestic livestock. All this became something that could be handed down to the next generation, thus beginning the tradition of inheritance. By agreeing to actively breed so intensively they became very vulnerable. It was fairly easy to protect one baby or small child, but if you had a cluster of youngsters to consider this put the whole community in a more perilous position if invaded. Prior to the early settlements of the bronze age, a small nomadic group if attacked only had to defend itself or run away. Now there was nowhere to run, and defending themselves became defence of livestock and property also, so it was more of an issue than it had been before. Men largely took this role of guardians and protectors, which was by and large a natural evolution of the time. Only those women not pregnant or breastfeeding would join ranks with the men to fight if needs be, and gradually we see evidence for the subordination of the matriarchal society to the patriarchal one we still live in today.

  Marriage may have been celebrated previously but now it had new significance. It became a contract introduced to strengthen the group or community. This happened for a variety of reasons: the interests of any children born to a couple would be protected; couples would be expected to take the relationship more seriously; and for political and economic gain. Sadly, viewed with hindsight, it appears that women basically became goods and chattels to be bartered.

  Considering the free and easy way in which people of then and now marry, breed and part it makes some sense—or does it?

  We are so used to living in our modern society of rules and regulations, laid down by elected governments, guided by science, that it is easy to forget the strong spiritual past we all belong to. This is our mutual pagan and heathen past in which society was ruled by the witness of neighbours and families, and was judged by priests whose spiritual knowledge and understanding was not to be questioned by commoners.

  The earliest evidence in Britain for an established Neolithic settlement is at Scara Bay on Orkney. This includes houses with the burial pits of the families that lived there, and the Ring of Brodgar (a stone circle nearby) which may have been used for marriage ceremonies amongst other things. The people who lived there were Picts and it’s thought they could have been some of the earliest settlers from Scandinavia. Once our ancestors decided to settle and farm, their life style changed through the newly enforced circumstances. Although only small family groups initially, they would meet up seasonally with other family groups to trade, feast and pair off. Once these groups decided to put down roots they joined up and established larger multi-family societies and founded the first villages.

  The earliest marriage ceremonies were business contracts between parents, entered into to increase security through the wealth, status and protection of the families concerned. This situation has been the norm for thousands of years in many parts of the world—India, for example, has arranged marriages, which have continued to this day, and purely romantic weddings are definitely seen as modern incursions from the West, ironically.

  The Vikings and Henry VIII largely destroyed our most ancient monastic libraries that might have provided more clues, so it is to the unreliable and essentially biased Roman documents that we have to turn for some of our evidence.

  The Julius work calendar is an excellent insight into the everyday life of the British peoples of this time, but to glean information of our Celtic and pre-Celtic past we have to rely on modern archaeology. It is the archaeology of long barrows, standing stones, hillside chalk figures and domestic items that demonstrate an organised society of clans in the north and tribes farther south. They held strong beliefs and respected their local and national deities, whilst trying to live in harmony with nature. They began to bury their dead ritualistically. These must have been strange and difficult times to live in with food and shelter still taking precedence. Marriage came way down the list of priorities.

  As these early settlers evolved into more sophisticated societies they developed rituals and traditions for all occasions, but death whether natural or sacrificial still held pole position. This newly enforced interference into people’s romantic lives came with its own share of problems for, in attempting to exert control over love, rebellion was obviously going to occur. Infidelity was just as prolific then as it is now, but punishments were far harder to bear for those caught.

  Looking back at the original Celtic way of life I think it likely that the richer lords and ladies of the time did have some sort of initiated Druid ceremony, but it’s unlikely that the majority did anything more than have a small celebration if they could afford it.

  Modern hand-fastings seem to owe their presence to far simpler affairs that took place, in some form or another, all over the British Isles. The earliest recorded ones took place in medieval Scotland at around the same time as the introduction and subsequent establishment of the Celtic Catholic church. Previous to this, hand-fastings amongst the Celts of Scotland and Ireland were believed to be recognition of betrothal, not marriage. A couple considering marriage would become engaged, us
ually at Beltane or May Day, seen as a time associated with romance. They didn’t need witnesses, although this helped, and would normally announce their engagement, not marriage, at this stage. Any couple entering into a sexual relationship could be considered married by the community, betrothed or not, although this wasn’t always easy to prove. Back in those times couples wishing to become married could do so legally by stating that they were married to each other, without any need for a ceremony. As with betrothal, this could take place with or without any witnesses, and a priest was not required. Some would choose to ask one, but they were mostly the rich, as the poor couldn’t usually afford such services. Villages and towns all over the British Isles have special and secret sites traditionally associated with this practice, from ancient trees to waterfalls, where couples have declared their love for one another. The custom of hand-fasting for a year and a day came later still, and probably derives from the Scottish inheritance laws which forbid any spouse to inherit their deceased partner’s wealth unless they had been married for at least a year and a day. If a child had been born within this time period, then the estate passed on to the offspring. This law still stood until 1940!

  If a couple decided to have a hand-fasting marriage ceremony this would consist of whomever they wanted to attend. There were no set procedures to follow and only very basic rules. Hand-fasting in its simplest form could just be a confirmation of love and commitment between the couple concerned, acknowledged by the community as a marriage unless it broke one of the few laws it fell under. One law was that they must not be too closely related, another was that neither party was committing bigamy, and lastly marriage was disallowed between under-aged couples, 12 years for girls and 14 years for boys.

  Strong opposition from the respective families had a similar bearing on the couple as it does today, but if living in an early bronze age settlement it would have been very difficult to bear, with opposing ‘in laws’ living in such close proximity.