Handfasting Read online

  If one of the couple’s parents approved then the family could expect to lose their offspring to this family, something that might have dire consequences. Losing an adult male meant the loss of heirship, protection and work, whereas losing a female meant the loss of grandchildren and literally severing a branch from the family tree. I like to think that the politics of relationships haven’t changed that much over the past few thousand years, and most couples would if pushed or provoked just end up living with or near whichever branch approved more and gave the least grief to them. The same applies today if we think about it—love and marriage hasn’t changed a great deal over the past few thousand years: people are still people. Earlier in the British Isles matrimony experienced many changes, with each invading force bringing its own traditions.

  The Romans bought their own customs and ceremonies, essentially pagan but biased towards city life. The hierarchy was not encouraged to marry natives unless it was of huge political benefit. Roman citizens were supposed to marry within their own social class; slaves could not officially marry and the groom’s fathers arranged most Roman marriages. It is thought that the Romans invented the idea of a wedding dowry given to the groom on receipt of his bride, but Celts and Vikings and later Anglo-Saxons also practised this in various forms. The financial incentive gave the couple a chance to establish their marriage and invest in their future. Dowries continued to be exchanged as a matter of course among the middle and upper classes in this country until about two hundred years ago, with some families still continuing a similar practice today. Both my ex-husband’s family and my own gave us a lump sum to help us on our way, enabling us to put a deposit down on a house and buy furniture. This unexpected surprise was very welcome, but shows how some of us still have the old traditions deeply ingrained in us.

  Roman life, however, centred on Rome and the prestige attached to becoming a Roman citizen. Even when abroad they continued to exist under the strict rules inflicted upon them from the senate in Rome. Female citizens enjoyed slightly higher status than their Greek counterparts and could own property and trade. Marriage ensured stability and the emphasis was on producing pure Roman citizens, preferably male. The women of Rome were far from stupid, though, and like their Greek cousins took to using herbal contraceptives to exert some control over childbearing. Ironically pomegranate, the sacred plant of the goddess Aphrodite, was a favourite for such practices. This fruit was also used in Hebrew marriage ceremonies and the couple would jump on it to symbolically release its fertility, although figs were also used.

  These ancient Mediterranean times had very different attitudes towards love and romance, from what we know of ancient Greece and Rome. Mediterranean men were frequently bisexual and more likely to fall in love with their mates than with their wives, who were for a while really used just for breeding and domestic duties. From what we can tell, Greeks and Romans had major fears of female sexuality whereas, as far as we know, for the Celts, Norse, Saxons and Normans this wasn’t a major issue. Then, around 200 BCE, the Romans turned full circle and faced what they feared most, embarking on an era of female adoration with heterosexuality and the female orgasm being the highest aspiration, something they may have learnt from the Celts.

  Goddess statues popped up everywhere and worship of female divinity was embraced both spiritually and physically. In their wedding vows, however, they remained patriarchal by introducing the concept of obedience from their spouse. Rome underwent radical changes religiously and by tolerating the Christian influence initially they inadvertently let it in through the back door. Seeing themselves as scholars and intellectuals, Romans accepted the new theology for the large part although some of the Emperors objected to the new Judaism referring to Christ the Lord instead of the Emperor. Eventually conversion took place and the deaths of so many Christian martyrs only strengthened its power. By 400 CE Rome became the self-appointed head of Western Christianity and had a Pope as its focal point. Between 400 and 500 CE monks or missionaries, largely funded by Rome, were spreading out all over Europe and attempting to convert pagans from their heathen beliefs.

  Britain had largely recovered from its previous Roman invasions and the Celtic tradition was enjoying its own resurrection. Christianity slipped in through missionaries and monasteries infiltrating our land, and a strange era of bending and blending took place. One wonders if the subsequent invasion of Germanic tribes to Britain was partly to escape the spread of Christianity in mainland Europe. This could also apply to the Vikings, who would have had more in common religiously with pagan Celts than with Christians.

  The Anglo-Saxons did deals over marriage, but the emphasis was on strengthening tribal groups and the trade that could then result from such unions. They actively encouraged intertribal weddings and many Celts became absorbed into Saxon life this way.

  The Vikings arrived with their own traditions relating to marriage and, as already mentioned, they dealt in dowries for much the same reasons as pre-Christian Romans had. Viking men were supposed to provide for their families and any husband found failing in this department could find himself being divorced and excommunicated from his tribe. His wife was then free to look elsewhere for a more reliable spouse. This divorce law goes back over a thousand years but to some extent still applies today. Viking ceremonies would probably have been similar to Celtic or Druid practice, but using different pantheons of gods and goddesses. The Vikings have received bad press over the years and were thought to be a marauding force of barbarians hell-bent on raping and pillaging indiscriminately. Personally I don’t entirely believe this, I feel they were the last pagan stronghold in Europe at the time and they saw the British Isles as a retreat and possible sanctuary. Looking at the evidence of their sporadic attacks they focused primarily upon established Christian monasteries and churches. This I feel was more of a religious war than a simple booty run. These were harsh, bloody and desperate times for the old Norsemen and women and we were possibly their last resort.

  The Normans were obviously Christian and their marriage ceremonies were similar in many respects to those of today. There was more concern over the virginity and purity of the bride but marriages were still for the large part arranged affairs. This was, in part, a romantic era of knights in shining armour and damsels in distress. Surprisingly, many of our views on romance probably stem from these times: particularly, it seems entrenched in the female psyche. How many women today hold on to the romantic notion of a knight rescuing them from whatever dilemma they are in and sweeping them off their feet? As a reader of the tarot I can tell you, most of them do! We still think of this as the birthplace of romance with men fighting valiantly over the honour of the lady. It’s easy to get carried away with images of beautiful maidens in flowing medieval gowns dropping their favour to their favourite knight as he runs the gauntlet for her or jousts on horseback. Think of the sheer number of legends and films that have derived from these times, but how much of it was true?

  For the huge majority of people during Norman times everyday life hadn’t changed that much from the pagan past, except for the newly-formed Christian rules imposed upon them. Most people were still working the land and scraping a living the best they could, with tradesmen beginning to specialise, and the concept of master craftsmen and city guilds emerging. The majority of people were extremely poor, partly due to the impossible taxes being levied to fund the lavish lifestyles of the few and the wars being fought by the reluctant many.

  The darker side of this era, though, saw the introduction of foul methods of torture for crimes, with castle dungeons and village greens being the focus for such practices. Adulterers and bigamists were publicly humiliated or even tortured with the punishment being worse for women than men.

  The now strongly established Catholic Christian church had it’s own view on marriage, and new rules to go with it, which were also fear-driven and severely punishable should they be broken. This behaviour didn’t last for long, and as Christianity evolved its temperance mellowed
slightly for a while at least.

  Marriage was taken more seriously as a result, however, and like most other arrangements between peoples everything had its price. Fines were now imposed upon anyone breaking Christian morality laws, which strengthened the subservience of lower classes and left the richer folks the only ones able to afford such luxuries. Higher on the list for peasant folk was the celebration of the eight annual festivals which marked the changes of the seasons and denoted the length of each day by the amount of sunlight in proportion to night time.

  The majority of peoples alive at this time were poor farmers: everyone worked the land in some way or another, and these festivals coincided with the farming life cycle. They marked, lambing, ploughing, sowing, harvesting and culling amongst others.

  The festival days were:

  2 February / Imbolc / the start of spring

  21 March / spring equinox / mid spring

  1 May / Beltane / start of summer

  21 June / summer solstice / mid-summer, days of equal length

  1 August / Lammas / harvest / start of autumn

  21 September / autumn equinox / mid autumn

  1 November / Samhain / All Souls Day / new year

  21 December / winter solstice / mid-winter / shortest day

  These days we think of the year as linear, but for our pagan ancestors it was experienced as a cycle or circle. For those couples intending to reveal their love for each other to their community they could use the Beltane festival as an opportunity to seal their betrothal without it needing to cost anything.

  If the community was already having a celebration or ritual to mark the fertile season then hand-fastings could be incorporated into this. For those who chose to keep it to themselves, they could perform their own private ritual and until such a time as they wished it to become public knowledge it would remain essentially their business. Lammas was also associated with marriage, and it’s likely that either of these two fire festivals could have been used.

  It is important to remember that throughout man’s history there have always been two tiers of society—the rich and the poor. Up until Victorian times marriage was seen as a political and economic arrangement for the richer families to gain strength, but for the working classes it remained a simple affair based mainly on local customs.

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  Traditions

  Medieval Celtic The early Celtic/Catholic church records hand-fasting rituals where an already betrothed couple would go through a ceremony with symbolic remnants of the Druid influence, but inside a church, including the binding of the couple’s left hands whilst vows are exchanged.

  In parts of Ireland the left-hand practice is thought to have been recognition of a mistress rather than wife, so adding to the confusion. This was an early example of our modern pagan hand-fastings and probably the most closely related.

  The ceremony would have included a priest, lawyer, scribe and the couple concerned, any others being optional. There would be incense, candles, water and some binding material, which varied depending on what the couple chose to use.

  It is probable that vine or strips of green bark were used, but more recently recorded ceremonies used rope, hemp, twine, or ribbons, which are very popular today. The lawyer, probably an ovate or equivalent, would ensure that the couple could legally marry and warn them of the consequences should they be breaking any of the marriage laws. These moral laws still stand today as testament to our anciently held human values. The scribe would record the marriage although it was unlikely that anything remotely resembling a marriage certificate was issued—just a note in the newly kept parish records at most.

  The priest would serve much the same role as today; in fact if you remove the actual hand-fastening or binding from the equation, twelfth-century ceremonies don’t vary that much from modern ones.

  Based on what little we know about medieval society, it is likely that betrothed couples marrying in church were of some status in their community. The joining of their offspring in a contractual marriage ensured security and protection for the families concerned. Marriage under these conditions was more about how well families got on with each other and what they could offer politically or financially than how much love the couple concerned actually felt for each other, but I like to believe this was considered. It’s interesting to observe our negative reactions in the western world to arranged marriages today, and yet they were almost definitely practised here until relatively recent times.

  Poorer tied labourers probably had more chance for romance than their richer counterparts. If you were already at the bottom of the social ladder you were bound, legally, to your Lord to stay there and marriages outside social groups were more uncommon. This isn’t to say that they didn’t happen. I’m sure they did but far less frequently and usually due to pregnancy, although that didn’t always guarantee you a marriage. For the majority of people living menial and poverty-stricken lives on the land, simple hand-fastings were a distinct possibility.

  It is a revelation to many that in most of Britain, almost up until the industrial revolution, a form of slavery was in operation, which made sure there were plenty of hands to work the land. These slaves, which probably accounted for a sizeable proportion of the population, didn’t belong to anyone in the sense that we currently understand but were tied to their landowner. They offered him free labour and the promise of taking up arms for the king if needed, and in return were given protection—a very valuable commodity in those times—and land to grow food and keep their limited livestock on, which was not to be sniffed at. This began the tradition of tied cottages, which on many large country estates prevails to this day. Marriages within this class of people were simple, following local customs and traditions, and contained more of the old pagan elements than marriages higher up the social scale. To say that they bore any similarity to today’s pagan rituals is stretching the imagination, but it is possible that there are some loose threads connecting back through time. The actual binding of hands, though, does seem to originate from medieval Scotland and Ireland, but as for elsewhere in England any definitive proof is sadly lacking.

  Fires and Broomsticks A tradition that is often associated with hand-fastings is jumping the fire. The newly married couple literally jump over a bonfire together for various reasons, one being to ensure continued passion throughout their marriage. It is impossible to pinpoint exactly when this custom started, but tales of such occasions abound in folklore and regional variations occur.

  The Celtic Scots had, and in some cases still have, a tradition of burning a wicker man at Beltane and jumping the fire afterwards, which would ensure bravery, passion and fertility for the season. This tradition is usually practised on May Day by anyone brave enough, and is thought to be a part of celebrating the fire festival. It probably owes its origins to early drinking games, but the symbolism is nonetheless relevant.

  Couples who had chosen this festival to marry would no doubt be encouraged to jump the fire together rather than individually, as they may have done in the past. They may have had a handfasting ritual before jumping the fire or they could announce their marriage as they did so, thus cementing it. Betrothal fire jumping is equally feasible, as it would indicate a leap of faith for the couple concerned in starting their journey of love and all its tests ahead. The fire could be symbolic of bravery where they were concerned.

  Another jumping ceremony was celebrated in Wales, both in pre-Christian and modern times. This is known as ‘jumping the broomstick’. There are two variations of this tradition: one includes the priodas coes ysgub, priodas coes ysgubell, otherwise known as the broomstick wedding.

  Besom brooms made for such purposes used birch for love and oak for strength, which was great symbolically but had little practical use, the traditional besom being constructed from ash and birch.

  One method included calling the oldest man of the village or community to witness the couple jumping the stick, which if carried out successfully would constitute a m
arriage. The other method was a little more complex and had the besom leaning in the doorway of the bride’s house, broom head down. The couple were asked to jump the broom, groom first then bride. If either of the couple knocked it then the marriage was not recognised and it was seen as an omen for them to think again.

  Interestingly no legal claims of ownership to property belonging to his bride could be made, but any children to this union were legitimate and would therefore inherit from both parents, so long as the couple remained married. If they wished to end the marriage, they had one year in which to change their minds; and as long as there were no children of the marriage during this time, they could annul it by simply asking the old man to return and witness them jumping back over the broom, in reverse this time, out of the house.

  Irish Weddings Irish weddings and their associated laws were similar to their Scottish cousins and came under the exclusively Irish Brehon Law. This very ancient law covered everything from the rights of kings and their successors to everyday subjects such as marriage. Any couple that produced children could consider themselves married and this would be recognised and upheld by the community with no stigma attached. Unlike English laws of the time, any property belonging to either party remained their own with no obligation to transfer ownership. Obviously in most cases they would cohabit, but neither of them could lay claim to each other’s wealth.

  Interestingly, many Irish weddings would be for a set period, often for twenty years (or until any children of the marriage grew up), which may well be the origins for our most common jointly held debt these days, the twenty-five year mortgage. Much like the rest of the British Isles the groom would pay a set price for his new bride, similar to a dowry, called a Coibhce, to the bride’s father who, if feeling generous, would release this over time to the bride. When we think of it this makes perfect sense: instead of giving a lump sum to the father purely for his own use he could invest it wisely and help his daughter out as and when she needed it.